On with the new

im all for making a change and a fresh start. but c'mon, who really keeps a resolution? honestly i think a new years resolution has more of a rep. for failing that keeping. bummer, but true. there are some areas of my life that need a little change, but it cant be forced because the calender says january 1, two thousand and blah blah blah. it HAS to be sincere if its going to stick. so here is some ways im looking to improve in 2012:

1. I WILL be rocking that bikini once again this summer. no hiding behind a towel, its a done deal. im ready to come out of hibernation and feel good about the skin im in. its not all about getting skinny, its about being healthy.  i see a lot of jogging in my future. and cutting out the junk that just weighs me down (literally)

2.spend more time in the word. this means waking up earlier. for someone who loves their sleep, this may be my most challenging goal yet. lol but i need it. and i need to be consistant with it. who needs coffee when you can wake up and spend your morning with jesus?? :)

3. L O V E    M O R E. and yes of course id love have the feeling of love more. like when i get those butterflies when my husband flirts with me, or kiss the heck out of my son because he is so darn cute. BUT id like to love more in action to those around me. i want to be kind and uplifting, always respectful in how i speak others. and i want to sacrificially be putting others before myself, my needs or comforts, out of love. 

4.i want to trust God more. straight up. i am a control freak in every way. i want to learn to hand myself over to the Lord and say "let your will be done." i can literally feel my heart start beating faster at the thought of not being "in control" but the reality is i need to grow in that aspect of my faith. and lets face it, i usually make a mess of things. God cleans things up and is the one to make them a masterpiece. not me.  its something that will not be accomplished overnight, but is a constant renewal and process. but at the same time it has to start somewhere. and that riiight here. when i think of a more lighter, peaceful, calmer, and happier me, i get so excited. this is not just a fantasy, its a reality that i press towards knowing "all can do all things through christ who strengthens me"

so here it is folks. my new years resolution, or "lifestyle change" whatever it is, it kicks off now. because if not today, then when? there is no better time than now :) i wrote this entry for a few reasons. one, to have to look. and two for myself and OTHERS to hold me accountable to these things. so you have my word, feel free to call me out and ask me how im doing with these ! have a safe and happy new year my friends, lets make it a good one!

Just a quick thought

 just a quick thought that is on my heart tonight,

i hope that when people look at me they see a light that shines on Jesus. i hope that they see how God can change lives and continue to make his followers more like Him on our adventure through life. unfortunately people will see my faults as well. i just hope that they dont see that as God or his word failing, but they see me as another person, who desperately needs Jesus and his unfailing love and grace who is there to help us. someone once said "the greatest evidence to christianity is sin." so true. i pray that when they see my shortcomings it points out even more our need for a savior. and i hope that they can see that "his strength is made perfect in our weakness" to renew us and make us whole again.

i

For all He has done

For All He Has Done

I had to literally stop what i was doing to write this. God had recently opened my eyes to just some of the great things he has done for me. i wanted to write this to have, to look back on, for those days when i tend to forget. 

way before i was mommy, or a wife, or even a daughter. before i knew any of you or you knew me. God knew me. he chose me and he made a plan for me. and then he sent his son to die for me. to take my life upon himself so that i may live his. he took my all of my mistakes, my shortcomings, and my sin upon himself and made me white as snow. (and i dont just mean literally!). he made me a child of God, who he loves with an everlasting love. he freed me, made me new, and blessed me more than i can wrap my mind around. because he loves me.

i was recently looking over the events from these last couple years. there has been some pretty big ones too. i was reading over all of them, and it amazes me how much something as simple as reading a post about your life at the moment can literally bring you right back to the time when you wrote it. in some ways it was awesome remembering how excited i was when noah took his first steps, or when i got married. or we got our first house. and some of them were on a sadder note. times in my life where i had wandered away from the Lord and tried "living my life for myself", and all the heartbreak that piled up after that. the broken relationship with my at-the-time-boyfriend/sons father/who is now my husband, the strain of becoming a newly single mom, even though it only lasted a few months, it was still very challenging, losing my dad, being broke, being lonely, being broken. i remember exactly how i was feeling. as i kept reading through the post i saw how in what seemed like the longest year of my life, changed dramatically. i saw everything come together and be ten thousand times better than i could have imagined. looking back to just about 2 years and what a mess life was, and literally looking up from my computer to look around my cozy house it dawned on me. wow. look how much god has done for me. for us. i know anyone of my friends who were with me through these times can notice how much things have changed. whether they believe God has anything to do with it or not, others can see it too. but for me, to really feel the weight of everything that has happened brought tears to my eyes. 

as for the first time in my life over this last year i have struggled with anxiety. ive been so stressed and worried about things sometimes it robs me of the joy all around me. thankfully i can say i think that storm has finally passed. but as good as it has been, this last year has been stressful as well, with kyles new jobs, moving, family issues, and raising a toddler. i have spent so much time stressing about these things to look up from what im worried about to see what God is doing right now and right in front of me. even when i had turned my back on him, our loving Lord never turned his back on me. instead he was working. working on shaping me into the person he called me to be.

with all of this being said, im just amazed. humbled. and in awe about how good our god is. through all the ups, and downs, of these last couple of years, whether i had my eyes on God or not he has protected me, and changed my life into something beautiful. and i guess just reflecting and looking at all of these events really showed me how i should always, always, "trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and lean not on my own understandings". because whether i am too distracted with the worries of life at the moment, our God is a God who is faithful and fulfills his promises. worrying never made anything any better. never changed anything for good. if anything it doubted God and robbed me of the blessing he was pouring out on me. looking back over the last few years and looking at exactly where i am at this moment should be proof enough for my that God is with me, God is for me, and he loves me and wants to give me life and life abundantly. all the days of my life, i will thank Him for all he has done.

The reason for the Season

 

"Christmas is a wonderful time to reflect on the miracle of God invading humanity and reconciling all things to himself. May we as a family of broken people being healed by God, love him together as we glorify his beautiful name. merry Christmas!"

Im just going to come out and say it

so im just going to come out and say it. i have no idea how to blog. all i know is all the cool moms do it and its a good way for my family and friends to see how we are doing as we walk through the seasons. with christmas coming up quickly and the start of another awesome year to come i expect many new things to come our way. with kyle working and being on staff at skatechurch, me starting my first year of college (full time) and noah growing faster than i can wrap my mind around, its certain for a busy, yet exciting new year in which God will do many big things. so here we go!!