For all He has done

For All He Has Done

I had to literally stop what i was doing to write this. God had recently opened my eyes to just some of the great things he has done for me. i wanted to write this to have, to look back on, for those days when i tend to forget. 

way before i was mommy, or a wife, or even a daughter. before i knew any of you or you knew me. God knew me. he chose me and he made a plan for me. and then he sent his son to die for me. to take my life upon himself so that i may live his. he took my all of my mistakes, my shortcomings, and my sin upon himself and made me white as snow. (and i dont just mean literally!). he made me a child of God, who he loves with an everlasting love. he freed me, made me new, and blessed me more than i can wrap my mind around. because he loves me.

i was recently looking over the events from these last couple years. there has been some pretty big ones too. i was reading over all of them, and it amazes me how much something as simple as reading a post about your life at the moment can literally bring you right back to the time when you wrote it. in some ways it was awesome remembering how excited i was when noah took his first steps, or when i got married. or we got our first house. and some of them were on a sadder note. times in my life where i had wandered away from the Lord and tried "living my life for myself", and all the heartbreak that piled up after that. the broken relationship with my at-the-time-boyfriend/sons father/who is now my husband, the strain of becoming a newly single mom, even though it only lasted a few months, it was still very challenging, losing my dad, being broke, being lonely, being broken. i remember exactly how i was feeling. as i kept reading through the post i saw how in what seemed like the longest year of my life, changed dramatically. i saw everything come together and be ten thousand times better than i could have imagined. looking back to just about 2 years and what a mess life was, and literally looking up from my computer to look around my cozy house it dawned on me. wow. look how much god has done for me. for us. i know anyone of my friends who were with me through these times can notice how much things have changed. whether they believe God has anything to do with it or not, others can see it too. but for me, to really feel the weight of everything that has happened brought tears to my eyes. 

as for the first time in my life over this last year i have struggled with anxiety. ive been so stressed and worried about things sometimes it robs me of the joy all around me. thankfully i can say i think that storm has finally passed. but as good as it has been, this last year has been stressful as well, with kyles new jobs, moving, family issues, and raising a toddler. i have spent so much time stressing about these things to look up from what im worried about to see what God is doing right now and right in front of me. even when i had turned my back on him, our loving Lord never turned his back on me. instead he was working. working on shaping me into the person he called me to be.

with all of this being said, im just amazed. humbled. and in awe about how good our god is. through all the ups, and downs, of these last couple of years, whether i had my eyes on God or not he has protected me, and changed my life into something beautiful. and i guess just reflecting and looking at all of these events really showed me how i should always, always, "trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and lean not on my own understandings". because whether i am too distracted with the worries of life at the moment, our God is a God who is faithful and fulfills his promises. worrying never made anything any better. never changed anything for good. if anything it doubted God and robbed me of the blessing he was pouring out on me. looking back over the last few years and looking at exactly where i am at this moment should be proof enough for my that God is with me, God is for me, and he loves me and wants to give me life and life abundantly. all the days of my life, i will thank Him for all he has done.